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John Crist Nailed It…mostly!

By August 3, 2018 April 8th, 2019 No Comments


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If you haven’t heard of John Crist, you probably don’t have social media.  But this funny, young, rising talented comedian has hilarious videos that include snippets of sayings we all know, but he’s the first to come out and say them.  Just this past week, he put out a video entitled “Every Dad at Disney.”  Disney fanatics cringed and cried over his jokes and impressions of a stressed-out dad in the parks.  Some he nailed and have been uttered by yours truly.  Others, he may have exaggerated but only slightly.  And that gave us an idea for today’s article.

Welcome to Believe Vacations’ weekly post where today, we’ll look at John Crist’s recent video and use the topics he brought up for general conversation.  For reference, you’ll need to watch his video and then we’ll take the topics as he brings them up and add a little truth, insight, or our own wisecrack.  As with all of our articles, our goal is to simply entertain you about Disney but also have a fun look at the Happiest Place on Earth.  So let’s rewind the tape and start breaking down his comments:

Scheduling – Yes, there are those people who will have timelines and itineraries that don’t round up to the nearest half or quarter hour.  And some may include the fact that you are scheduled to walk from 9:13 to 9:19am.  But again, efficiency at Disney can mean the difference between a 15-minute or 120-minute wait.

School and Hall of Presidents – While Disney is all about entertainment, don’t be surprised if you learn a thing or two along the way.  Especially around Main Street and Liberty Square in the Magic Kingdom, the conservation efforts of Animal Kingdom and basically all of Epcot, education is a huge form of Disney’s entertainment and it makes learning fun…sorta.

“We need a map!” – Truth!  And if you don’t have one, use the App!  You’ll get lost, you’ll make the wrong turn to Splash Mountain and be careful or you’ll pick one up in a different language and be all confused.

Disney Prices – You may not know this but Disney is a for-profit entity.  Don’t be alarmed by the prices of merchandise. Rather, be alarmed by the individuals who will purchase thousands of dollars on ears and other accessories!

Character Interactions – For the most part, meeting your favorite princess, cartoon character, villain or inanimate animated object is a thrill.  But I can see some small children becoming terrified at the sight of an overgrown mouse or similar character.  Know your child’s likes and if they reach for the character, then pursue.  If they shy away, no sense waiting 30 minutes in line for a picture of a horrified child. Even if it is Elsa.  Same goes for the ladies and Gaston!

Getting wet – So there are some attractions that require the use of a towel to dry off after but in the hot Florida sun, you should dry off in no time.

The World Showcase – Thankfully, in the World Showcase, there is hardly an hour-and-a-half wait (except for the Frozen ride in Norway).  But the zinger about France is glorious and a literal LOL moment.

Strollers and tired legs – Truth is, your child will not want to walk 30,000 steps in a day.  A stroller, while extra toting, is very convenient for both rest and to store bags and accessories.  We used a double stroller and had a kid on the roof as well.  They’re that important!  But don’t think you’re the only stroller on the grounds.  The parks are COVERED with them and in some areas, like between It’s a Small World and Peter Pan’s Flight, the walk-through is narrow and log jams will occur.  Make sure you decorate your stroller as when you exit an attraction, your stroller may have been moved to create walking space and you’ll need something that stands out to locate it quickly.

Food in the parks – Waffles are fine, but something about Mickey waffles makes them “must haves!”  Disney knows how to get you to spend a little more for kid’s meals but they are also very generous about you bringing in outside snacks, sandwiches and edible items.

Garbage – With a trash can every 300 feet, you will not have to hold on to that melting Mickey Ice Cream bar for long.  And ha! Six Flags!

Can’t find parents – Hopefully, this doesn’t happen to you but a few pointers to prevent a lost child.  1) Take a picture of your child the day you go to the park so that everyone can see what they are wearing.  2) Notify the first Cast Member you see and watch as they communicate a “Missing Parent” alert.  3) Communicate with your party and kids where you need to meet at a designated time and try to have communication devices available and charged at all times.

Misbehaving Kids – So you’re in the parks and your kids act up, what do you do?  You spent a ton of money so you really can’t just leave like it’s the mall.  You will have to get creative – have a timeout from the activities, sit outside the store that the toy they are screaming for is in, simply walk and talk it off with them, etc.

“…a park bench in the shade.” – Again, much truth in resting.  You’ll need it with all the energy you spend in the parks and getting to and from your destinations.  There are plenty of areas to sit and we’ve mentioned that before in a previous article.  But you can also rest on some longer attractions, transportation vehicles, watching parades and shows and even jumping in the stroller yourself!

The Scooters – True story – my mom needed a wheelchair one time to get around Universal Studios and they kept allowing her and our family access through the wheelchair entrances which dump out at the front of the line.  Since then, I’ve always been tempted to repeat and skip the lines.  But for those with real health issues, you are able to rent the motorized vehicles to transport you around.  But there are a ton scooting around so be careful of toes!

Long Days with the family – You love your family dearly.  I know this because you spent a small fortune to make them happy and take them to Disney.  But even the happiest of families in the happiest of places can cause moments where everyone is simply done with each other.  Instead of spending the day fighting, schedule breaks inside the parks or back at the rooms and, as weird as this sounds, limit your time where it’s everyone together.

Long wait times – It’s Disney and it’s a popular tourist destination so there are going to be long lines especially for classics and ones for Frozen and Toy Story.  Luckily, there is the awesome Fast Pass system to by-pass a few throughout the day with little to no wait.  Also, should you find yourself in line, most queues are now interactive and keep the time going without being bored.  Worst case scenario – pull the new Disney Parks app and play games while waiting.

Beating the heat – Good thing we wrote an article about this a couple of weeks ago.  Very timely indeed.

All in all, John did a great job describing some of the humorous idiosyncrasies that you just can’t get around when visiting Disney.  These are not to scare you into a vacation at the parks.  Rather, it’s fun to look at these little nuances through the lens of comedy.  Watch the video, show your appreciation to John’s efforts and then message or call one of our Authorized Disney Travel Agents today to see what he’s talking about in person.  And as always, there’s a great, big, beautiful tomorrow!

Brian Pavlick

Brian Pavlick

Brian Pavlick is a husband and father residing in Maylene, AL. His love of Disney goes back to his early memories of watching the New Disney Channel on cable, occasional vacations to Orlando Florida and attending Disney Institute Management Training classes. He keeps up with Disney news and updates by reading numerous websites, experiencing attractions by watching YouTube videos and introducing his family to classic and timeless Disney movies, attractions and songs.

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